Retreat for caregivers set for April 30 in Beech Grove

St. Therese of the Infant Jesus (Little Flower) parishioners Jerry and Mary Erlenbaugh of Indianapolis have seen their marriage and daily life change dramatically since he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2006. She is looking forward to attending a retreat for caregivers based on the Serenity Prayer from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. on April 30 at the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center in Beech Grove. The retreat is for both personal and professional caregivers. (Photo by Mary Ann Wyand)

By Mary Ann Wyand

It was a priceless gift, even a miracle.

Jerry Erlenbaugh somehow managed to sign his name several times in shaky cursive script on an anniversary card for his longtime wife, Mary.

He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease three years ago, but experienced a brief, lucid moment that enabled him to write and spell his name correctly on the greeting card purchased by his daughter, Jan Erlenbaugh Gaddis.

As the part-time parish nurse at Holy Cross Parish in Indianapolis, Erlenbaugh Gaddis has helped many families cope with a variety of health challenges that change all the dynamics of their daily life together.

But everything is different, she said, when your father is the patient and your mother is the full-time primary caregiver.

Erlenbaugh Gaddis is happy that her mother will participate in “Seeking Serenity Step by Step—A Caregivers Retreat” on April 30 at the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center, 1402 Southern Ave., in Beech Grove.

Her 13 years of experience in parish nursing helped with planning the retreat, which focuses on 12 steps for caregivers based on the Serenity Prayer, and ways they can gain perspective, comfort and insight as they fulfill their daily responsibilities for loved ones.

Father Lawrence Voelker, pastor of Holy Cross Parish in Indianapolis, will discuss an overview of the Serenity Prayer and 12-step spirituality as it relates to caregiving.

Presentations include talks by Michael Heinz, Ph.d., on accepting things that can’t be changed and author Nancy Ballard on having the wisdom to care for yourself.

Jerry and Mary Erlenbaugh are longtime members of St. Therese of the Infant Jesus (Little Flower) Parish in Indianapolis. They were married in the parish church on Valentine’s Day in 1953, and raised their seven children in a neighborhood near the church. He worked as a builder, and she kept busy as a full-time homemaker and frequent volunteer at their parish as well as Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis.

Now Mary Erlenbaugh relies on her faith more and more because of the challenges that she faces while providing constant care for her husband, whose health continues to decline from day to day. Their children helped her move out of the longtime family home and into an apartment on the east side of Indianapolis.

“Our children are all willing to help me,” she explained on March 26. “I’m very fortunate that my whole family is very caregiving. I get good care for me as well as for him. At first, I thought I could do errands later. I’m realizing now that maybe I can’t get out later and I do need help. This winter was a big lesson to me because of so much bad weather. I would have to call if I needed something.”

At first, Mary Erlenbaugh explained, she didn’t need to provide constant caregiving for her husband and only had to watch him more closely.

“It’s only been since we moved here [to the apartment a year and a half ago] that he has progressively gotten worse,” she said. “His balance is bad now, and it’s a 24/7 job caring for him. I stay close to him. His brain isn’t telling him what to do, and he has trouble walking.”

She will be 76 in April and he will celebrate his 79th birthday in August. Amazingly, he could still water ski at age 70, but now he can’t keep his balance when he tries to walk. TV programs help entertain him as do arranging blocks and puzzles.

“He sleeps a lot during the day,” Mary Erlenbaugh said. “I sit with a book and read. That’s what I do for enjoyment and relaxation.”

A professional caregiver stays with her husband on Wednesdays so she can volunteer or go shopping and take care of business.

“He has been such a good husband,” she said, even as their roles have shifted.

“He’s not the same person anymore,” she explained, “but he’s still in there. He took care of me and our children for over 50 years so I can take care of him now.”

The caregivers retreat will be a relaxing break from her busy schedule.

“If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of the person that you’re caring for,” she said. “You need that time off so you will be more relaxed, invigorated and refreshed when it’s over, and you can be better equipped to come back home. It will be nice to get away and renew myself.”

(To register for the Caregivers Retreat, call the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center at 317-788-7581 or log on to the Web site at www.benedictinnn.org before the April 22 registration deadline.) †