Men’s conference offers chance to
connect with peers
By John Shaughnessy
Daryl Whitley knows the deep, private longing that many men have to find more meaning in their lives.
He knows the emptiness that can overwhelm a man even when he has a wife he loves, a child he adores and a good job that pays the bills.
Whitley experienced that longing and that emptiness when his grandmother died of heart disease in 2004, a loss that struck at the heart of his faith.
“She was like a mother to me,” recalled Whitley, a member of Holy Angels Parish in Indianapolis. “I backed away from church after that. My grandmother was always a part of the Church, and it made it difficult for me to go back into church.”
Whitley will share his story of search and struggle during the fifth annual Indianapolis Catholic Men’s Conference at St. Christopher Parish in Indianapolis on Feb. 18. He can identify with the conference theme, “The Quest for the Male Soul: In Search of Something More.”
“There are so many pressures and stresses in life,” Whitley said. “We’re being pulled in so many directions.”
Capuchin Franciscan Father Martin Pable has tried to help men like Whitley through the stresses and demands of their lives. The keynote speaker at the conference has counseled men reeling from divorce, the death of a loved one and the loss of a job. He has also advised men who have addictions to alcohol, gambling and Internet pornography.
“Even if they aren’t troubled, they’re looking for something more,” said Father Martin, the author of A Man and his God and The Quest for the Male Soul. “Even though they work so hard, they aren’t satisfied with working. Eventually, they say, ‘Is that all there is?’ They want to make a difference. They want to improve their lives, have more time with their children.”
Yet men struggle with changing their lives because they feel isolated, said Father Martin.
“They often feel alone. They feel they can’t talk about their lives and their faith to people at work,” he said. “We don’t let people know how we feel. Our training as men is to be independent. The first thing we have to do is just let God know we need him.”
He shares the story of a man who became depressed and stopped going to church after he learned his wife had cheated on him.
“He came out to talk to me,” said Father Martin, the retreat director of the St. Anthony Retreat Center in Marathon, Wis. “He and his wife both wanted to get back together, but he struggled to forgive her. I got him to pray. I just find the power of prayer is enormous. I told him to talk to God in his own words, to tell God, ‘I’m in trouble, I’m hurting and I need help.’ ”
The man reunited with his wife, Father Martin said.
He encourages men to attend men’s conferences and to form small men’s groups as a way of creating relationships with other men of faith. Once the sharing of faith begins, it opens people to their highest goals.
“I want men to not just experience good feelings, but to bring a positive message to the world around them—to reach out to other men, to make an impact in their families and their workplace,” he said. “I hope they would see their lives can be fuller and deeper if they’re connected with their family and with God.”
Whitley has made that approach his goal in life. In the midst of his struggles with the death of his grandmother, he sought help from the late Father Clarence Waldon, then the pastor of Holy Angels Parish.
“One of the things I loved about him was he always encouraged me to acknowledge what I felt,” Whitley said. “He told me it was OK to grieve. He also told me to keep my faith.
“With the death of my grandmother, one of the things I realized is that without having God in the center of your life, there’s no way to hold everything together.”
(The men’s conference is Feb. 18 from 8 a.m. to 3:45 p.m. at St. Christopher Parish, 5301 W. 16th St., Indianapolis. Registration is $35, which includes lunch. The deadline for registration is Feb. 15. For more information, call 317-241-6314, ext. 126.) †
